Ok, so not everyone thinks networking is icky. Some people love the social element and the idea of (sometimes) free food.

But a lot of us would prefer not to have to mingle over coffee with people we don’t know. And now that it looks like we’re turning the corner with the pandemic, we’ll be have to mingle more as we move toward in-person events.

Here are a few ideas that might help you ease into the new back-to-normal:

1: Start With People You Know

If you’re feeling anxious about jumping into an event without knowing a soul, look for those where you already have a connection, or find a friend or colleague to go with you. One caveat: do not spend the event with that person. Sure, you can pop in and out of their conversations, but remember, they aren’t the reason you’re there.

2: Pretend You’re the Host

In her book, The Career Stories Method, Kerri Twigg challenges our mindset by encouraging us to pretend we’re the host. Think about it. If you’re the host, that means you have to take on the responsibility of making others feel comfortable. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in that role during a networking event. How do you feel when you visualize yourself in that role? I’d guess you’re feeling more relaxed. You may even have a hint of a smile since in that imaginary situation you’re likely greeting people. 🙂

When I was an awkward adolescent, my sister-in-law Ellen, who was a few years older, took an interest in me. When we were in a group, she made it a point to ask me questions. Although I didn’t exactly relish the spotlight at the time, I did appreciate that someone I respect would take the time to hear what mattered to me. I also learned something: People want to be heard and feel valued.

If you’re shy and you’re going to a networking event, you can engage in a conversation by asking questions about your conversation partner. Start with a simple question, like what they did over the weekend, or what they’re going to do more of now that the pandemic seems to be subsiding. Believe me—this will lead to a lively discussion.

3: Don’t Spend All Your Time Talking Shop

Guess what? You don’t have to only talk business at these events. In fact, you’ll deepen your relationships when you find out what the other person is interested in outside of work. Even better, you might discover a common interest—maybe you’re both into marathons—and build your relationship around that.

Closer to business, you can approach your conversations with a challenge you’re trying to solve. As an entrepreneur, one of my favorite topics with my colleagues in the career field is what tools we’re using to decrease our administrative time so we can focus on what’s important—our clients. This is an important topic for me, and I’ve found that I’ve built a few relationships organically just by problem-solving together.

If you’re in operations, you might ask about the latest software your colleagues are using to improve their efficiencies. If you’re in marketing, you can ask questions about how others are using social media tools. Obviously, some of this might be proprietary, but not everything is top secret. So ask away.

4: Do Your Research on Who Might be There

Knowledge is power, as they say. And planning ahead can take the edge off the social anxiety. If you do some research on potential attendees—where they work and the latest news about their company, you can spark ideas for conversations. Did their company recently merge with another one? Did it launch a new life-saving drug? Are they in the news due to some innovative way they’re taking care of their people or the community? Is there an ad they’re running that you think is funny or inspirational?

5: Narrow Your Focus

Networking isn’t about casting a wide net. It’s about building individual relationships based on trust. Even if you only get to know one person at the event, you’ve just expanded your circle of potential supporters. And think of the number of new second-degree relationships you’ll gain.

6: Be Sure to Follow Up

Once the event is over, that doesn’t mean the work is. Connect with your new contact over LinkedIn. Reach out for a live (or virtual, if that’s still a thing) coffee. Most important, be helpful. If you know an expert at HR benefits and one of your new connections is looking for someone like that, introduce them. Maybe one of your conversations at the event was simply about different ways to prepare butternut squash. After the meeting, share your favorite recipe!

7: Remember: It’s Not About You

If I were to do a keyword search on this post, I’m pretty sure the term “other” would score relatively high. This makes sense because networking shouldn’t be about you. It should be about what you have to offer and, as Kerri Twigg would say, how you can make others feel at ease. Go with this mindset, and see how much fun you have!